Balancing Superhero Complex, Trust and Selfishness

This is a topic that many moms are talking about and I have not figured out a proper way to balance it all out. Being plagued with wanting to do it all and yet falling short because I just do not have the energy.

Yesterday, I was talking with someone who said she had to cancel our get together because she was "feeling lazy". She may be my new role model. What I admire most about her is her honesty and ability to take care of herself. I take on too many obligations, rarely do anything I want to do and have a hard time being honest about it. Why do I feel the need to always put on a charade? What would be the worst thing that could happen if I said no and was honest about why I did not want to do something? It is difficult to measure up to this woman I think I should be and worse that I feel that I am always falling short.

Many people have asked if there anything that they can do for me. What does that mean? "Anything" is pretty big, vague and all encompassing. I never know what to ask for. Do these people really want to help or are they just being polite? Asking for assistance is rarely something I think about or am good at doing. However, if someone is in need I have no problem volunteering.

While writing this, I realize that it all boils down to trust. Not that I do not trust people with my son, but the kind of trust you have in a relationship where you finally feel comfortable exposing your vulnerable side. Asking for help reveals my vulnerability. It is like Superman with Kryptonite or the Wicked Witch with water. ;) Relaying the hardships after the fact is some how more acceptable to me than being honest about it while I am in that moment. Rob and I together for about 3-4 years before I felt comfortable enough with him to let my defenses down.

How do I learn to open myself up? One of my friends said I am selfish because I freely give of myself and reap the positive rewards, yet refuse to allow others the personal benefits from helping me. Interesting perspective... Clearly, this will take some work on my part.